Losing what we work so hard for

This past week has been one answers are desperately searched for and none will ever be. When one prides themselves so much in what they do and it seems somehow in the end there is a failure it is not easy to face.

It is i who have sat at the other end of a phone line comforting someone who has lost a foster Dane to bloat or other illness in which no one is at fault for. I am good at sharing tears and loving the voice on the other end as i know they are in pain with their emotions. However this week i was the one asking for this comfort.

Bringing Lexi home was so much fun. She was so sweet and snuggly. Her violent tail wagging from joy over a meal, pets, and affection was infectious to us all. She was so beautiful and so incredibly happy. We quickly found her to be a fence jumper and it was not so much so she could run the neighborhood but just searching for that something out there in which made her wag faster. A simple call to her brought her right back in the door where she quickly found a couch and claimed her spot. She faired well with the rest in our pack and got right in there perfectly.

The day i posted a photo of her on Facebook and said she seemed so sad somehow, is a day i have marked my sheer ignorance for the books. I had no idea this girl was so ill. I checked her temp which was normal, looked at her gums which were pinkish and felt her nose which was cool to the touch but nothing abnormal. I covered her with a blanket and gave her some sweet pets. For the afternoon we sat in the office quietly while i worked on the computer.

By the time i decided she would need to eat and potty i could tell something was happening to this girl. This sweet Girl who has already been through so much was sick. I didnt note any change in gums or temp. What i did notice was a slight inability to walk properly. A sway to her gait that wasnt right. I noticed she lay down in the living room floor and her breathing was shallow but heart rate seemed fine. In honesty this was the point in which i thought Bloat. My worst fear with these Danes and i have personally never witnessed it. I started making phone calls to others who have seen bloat. Everyone agreed it could be but did not seem to contain enough of the symptoms in which spelled out Bloat.

It was decided quickly that Lexi would have to go to the ER Vet in Knoxville. I quickly gather leash, blankets, and the debit card. Amy kicked in calling the ER vet ahead as i was rattled and starting to really panic. As Sean and i got Lexi into the car i noted her back feet were curling up and under. It gave the appearence that she was walking on stems of her legs. She had to be carried inside the vets office as she could not walk straight upon arriving.

The news quickly was determined bloat was not an issue they requested an ultrasound to see if there were something happening internally. Indeed there was. On the ultrasound you could see this ever so slight leak upon Lexi's spleen. She was bleeding to death internally. My first questions were what could we do? My next set was a series of questions on what could have caused this issue?

I have never in all the Danes in which have come through my personal care nor the ones within our rescue as a whole, have this happen. This would be one for the first of firsts within our book and i pray that never again do i see it. This was one of the hardest things upon my heart in a very long time. It is something i will not soon get over. It is terribly hard when you lose your personal dog, but losing one in which you have made promises too is somehow even harder. I wanted Lexi to have a beautiful forever life and quite frankly i did not come through for her.

Lexi was a teacher of many things. Unconditional love and forgivness for what humans had placed her through was lesson one. Always be optimistic and give it your best no matter where you came from was another. Education upon the spleen and what it looks like in symptom. And for myself personally another trip i took with a Dane while it entered the Rainbow Bridge was humbling. Lexi showed love and grateful eyes even within her last moments which included a small lick and snuggle.

I hope to see Lexi again one day among the pack in which will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge. I promise that upon my arrival we will all have quite the party.